


When She Looked Away

by meloncat



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, Dom My Unit | Byleth, F/M, Feral Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Mutual Pining, NSFW, Post-Time Skip, Sort of? - Freeform, Spoilers, no beta we die, once upon a hand job
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2020-12-23 17:30:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meloncat/pseuds/meloncat
Summary: When Byleth disappeared five years ago, Dimitri fell apart and picked up pieces of himself on his own. However, after a liquor-fueled premonition, Dimitri found Byleth once again.Angst with some sexy stuff tossed in ;)





	1. Running Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth knows the ways war can ripe someone inside out.
> 
> The man before her used to be a boy.
> 
> That boy used to tell her how much he loved her smile

Byleth woke up to the sound of a stream. She was sure she'd heard it, the sound of water rushing under her. Then she saw the sky, the reflection of her in the river, and the farmer. And then she ran.

As she nears Garreg Mach, the smell blood and smoke is molten in the air. Byleth's brows furrow, and she picks up her pace. The steps of Garreg Mach has aged poorly, littered with cracks and broken wood. The pillars and great stone preserve all that remains of the monastery's imposing dignity. Byleth searches through the empty school, until she finds the corpse of a soldier. Blood spattered from the body, covering the floor in blooms of red and guts. Their hand still clenched their weapon, eyes wide and staring. Byleth takes a deep breath, and closes their eyes.

In a dark hallway, Byleth follows the scent of death and bodies, killed and discarded like the first. As she continues forward, she hears the faint sound of water running in the dark.

Byleth slows as she came upon a staircase. The path of blood stops here. The staircase is littered with bodies. They were imperial soldiers, all of them covered in red from head to toe. A light shines from the top of it, impossibly soft to her eyes. She climbs the stairs cautiously. When she had reached the top, she finds what she is looking for.

In the shadows of the rubble, a wounded man sits against the wall. He is tall, dirty, and wore a slick, black armor. Blood matted to his long hair, obscuring his face. A fur cape wraps around him, and a striking blue mark lays on the chest of his armor, carved deep into its form. Although his lance stands straight against the old stone floor, the man curled into himself, disappearing.

As Byleth approaches, the man raises his head. Byleth's heart squeezed at the sight of an eye patch, and a soulless blue eye. The mans face is stained with blood, it isn't his own.

Byleth stops. The man doesn't move. His eyes are far away. He is just another body leaning against the wall.

Byleth knows the ways war can ripe someone inside out.

The man before her used to be a boy.

That boy used to tell her how much he loved her smile

With no more hesitation, she steps before him and reaches out. When he looks up at her, the sunlight danced on his face. For a moment, his face looked gentle. Soon, his eyes wavers. Then, as if someone kicked him, his face turns blank and he turns his head away.

Byleth waits, until a raspy, familiar voice comes from the man.

"I should've known, that one day, you would be hunting me as well."

His words are so quiet, so still. Byleth could say nothing except offer her hand.


	2. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he swung his arms, it felt like he was gliding through nothing. No resistance of flesh, no screams.
> 
> His body is in a space of light and nothing. 
> 
> Give Dimitri nightmares, but make it sexy

Dimitri's had the same nightmare for years.

Every night, he is engulfed in the sound of the horn and raging battle. It's war, and it's simple. People come to him, and he shows them death. He crushes the sea of bodies until there's nothing but a pulpy, sticky red. Sometimes the faces are familiar, sometimes they are a prophecy. He’s seen men he's killed, women and children in the towns he pillaged, and faces of his friends. They come to him, and he cuts them down.

His family cries to him, asks him to continue his vengeance. So when the faces come to him, he cuts their necks open for them to see. But no matter how much he kills, the faces and their hands would find him, and they would pull him down to the ground. He'd scream and take out his knife, cutting away ankles as the bodies trampling on him.

No matter how many times he cries, murder; these bodies won’t kill him. He won’t die.

He knows this deep in his heart, though he can't seem to stop himself from fighting.

_Kill them all_

_ **Make them pay** _

Everyday, Dimitri wakes up to the sound of his own pounding heart.

This is his punishment. This is his death. 

_"I hadn't the luxury of questioning it. " In a different time, the Professor and him talked about death. When they spoke her words were stoic, honest._

_"It's normal to feel that way." Her eyes were somewhere far away._

Dimitri's heart pounds and falls at a confusing rate.

* * *

While wondering through a village, he comes across a merchant stall with a line before it.

"Sweet dreams! Sweet dreams! Come get your dream in a bottle!"

Dimitri looks right through him.

"Come get your dream in a bottle, and sleep like a dead man tonight!"

Dimitri glances at the bottles of clear liquid they were selling. Petals of chamomile settled at the bottom of the bottle, swirling around.

Liquor

Now there's a method he hasn't tried before

* * *

Where was he?

This wasn't a battlefield. This wasn't a place that he has been to.

It was an empty place, with neither a floor nor ceiling. Dimitri felt no sense of self in this strange space. No ups, no downs. His voice doesn't carry. When he swung his arms, it felt like he was gliding through nothing. No resistance of flesh, no screams. 

His body is in a space of light and nothing. 

Dimitri sees a figure approach, and his mind quiets immediately. His eyes widen as he sees the shape of her silhouette. 

His professor, dead 5 years ago, is standing before him in a dream.

When she was only a breath away, she paused. Dimitri's body trembled, but he couldn't help it. Every part of him was desperately trying to take her all in. He clenched his fist, crushing his fingers into his palm. When he looked her, her eyes were full of him.

There was so much Dimitri wanted to do. He wanted to yell, to scream, to cry, to drown out the voice that burned inside him; because he knew that she'd hear him. He didn't understand it, and it hurt to think about it but she was the only one he wanted to see his dirty heart. He wanted to hold her, to have her in his arms and to feel her in his bones. First gently, and then tightly, until he could hear her heartbeat next to his, so he knew that this was real, even if not in the waking world. 

Come back to me, professor.

The professor reached out her hand and pressed it against him. Dimitri felt the heat crawling up his neck creep to his cheeks. The place she touched felt incredibly warm, and it brought him back. As if the 5 years had broken into unspoken nothing. Before Dimitri can fully comprehend it, Byleth moved both of her hands to hold his cheeks. Her touch is gentle, her eyes clear. As he gazed, the intensity behind her pretty dark eyes set his mind ablaze. And when had it not? He’d always longed for her. As his body leaned forward, he felt one of her hands press against his chest. Dimitri stiffened, withdrawing his body right away.

Dimitri turned away from Byleth's hands, his face still warm. This was barely a proper reunion, was it?

He didn’t deserve her.

Before he could think, Byleth guided his shoulders, and slowly pushed him down. When she wrapped her arms around him, Dimitri's body was so warm.

When Byleth looked at him, her hands were on his chest. Her fingers, cold but soft, gently traced his side and trailed into the heat building in his low stomach. She undressed the collar of his armor, and kissed his neck roughly. The way her lips felt on him sparked beneath his skin, sending a nervous warmth to his body. Her teeth scratched and sank into his neck, his whole body prickling with the realization that she is on him, and the intensity it bought to every sensation. When a red mark swelled where she kissed him, she ran her tongue over that spot and kissed it again.

Dimitri's hands grasped and twisted. Her skin was so soft, so real under his calloused palm. When she lowered herself slowly against him as she kissed and bite into his neck, he heard himself growl.

Her eyes looked hungry.

He thinks that his did too.

As he held her, all he could do was flinch and shudder, biting back the sounds she choked from him. His body was immobile, heavy. The strength that has made him a monster was no where to be summoned. Instead, whatever power he did have, he kept it on the body of the woman on top of him. Piece by piece, he helped her tear his clothes off. As her hands began to caress his bare chest, her lips moved to the sides of jaw, scraping his flesh with her teeth. At this point, Dimitri was painfully hard. His hips followed the rhythm of his professor, sliding his cock in the wet spot between her thighs. She teased him, circling her hips just above the tip before sliding her body against his shaft; purposely fast, and then painfully slow. No matter how many times he looked away, he can still feel those eyes watching, striping him. He knows she wanted him the way he wanted her, and it drove him crazy with pride and lust. Just as his body searched for pleasure with her’s, Byleth moved herself away and bite the shell of his ear. Dimitri swore, his body still searching for the place where Byleth's once was.

Just as his cock twitched for more, he felt her delicate fingers against the tip of it. He gasped, his body pushing in on itself and tensing with the pleasure it bought. She looked straight at him as she stroked his dick, wet and slick against her palm. He was so sensitive, and every little move of her hands brought him closer to the edge. Dimitri was almost afraid of the rush inside him, unsure of the way it ran rampant from his heart to every corner of his body. He stared at Byleth, looking for her, his vision cloudy and his body panting. Byleth’s eyes gazed hard into his and answered. Her hand stopped at his tip for an agonizing second, before twisting her hands, squeezing a little more when Dimitri threw his head back and cursed. Her hands were fast and merciless, the pressure almost painful if Dimitri wasn’t already gone past the point of pain. She kissed his neck, biting at the delicate skin of his adam’s apple. As she enjoyed him, she wrapped her palms against the head of his dick, enveloping it roughly as Dimitri gasped and tensed. He let go, and almost felt himself falling.

But she grabbed him. She held him and dug herself into his body. Her jaw next to the raw, red mess on his neck. Dimitri slowly reached out, and held her. His hands next to the back of her neck, feeling her body pulse with his. She was so warm. So much to him.

* * *

Dawn is when the marketplace comes to life, gradually waking with the sounds of morning merchants. It is also when the night market rustles away. The liquor seller has just pack away his valuables and was getting ready to leave. Suddenly, the merchant whipped around to find man with black armor standing behind him. The man wore an eye patch, and his eye was cloudy.

“What is the quickest way to Garrag Mach?”


	3. Cold Like Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the thousandth time, she came upon the woods. This time, she stops.

In five years, more had changed than she had expected. Meeting her students had bought that to light. She hadn't been there to see her students' progress, but as soon as they met, Byleth knew that she'd come to know them again. She's not here to send them to their deaths, she's here to fight alongside them. That alone gave her comfort. 

Five years, gone in the blink of an eye.

What would have happened, Byleth wondered, if she had remained at the bottom of the earth?

Time goes by fast. There's always something to do, to plan. She doesn't complain, she knows exactly what's at steak. 

When the sun sets, Byleth spends her time thinking. She doesn't take off her armor when the day is over, she rarely takes it off now. Even though the night is calm and quiet, there's a numbness in her that scares her. She doesn't chase it away, she doesn't know how to. She looks down at her green locks, no longer the color of the twilight.

It was a parting gift from her mother, Jeralt had once said. Byleth remembered his voice, and it had hurt to. 

A rushing sense of chaos wells up in her, threatening to take over. Along with came emptiness and all the thoughts that she’s pushed away into the tight corners of her mind, like the familiar faces she’ll meet on the battlefield, almost how they were five years ago. Like the subtle creases on her students’ faces, and scars even magic couldn’t take away. 

Like the scent of rain mixed with blood. 

Byleth's grasps the brooch that hangs at her chest, almost unconsciously. The metal is cool and hard against her hand, every groove sinks into her skin. Five years have passed and yet, she hasn't changed.

Byleth picks up her blade and heads out. The night air hits her, and welcomes her with the rhythmic sound of rain.

The air is soggy, and she takes a deep breath. There's no one in sight, not even a guard. For a moment, her feet felt heavy. But she steps out into the wet pavement and let her legs take her pass the ponds, the training ground, and the empty halls of the monastery. Byleth keeps going, making rounds and rounds around Garreg Mach until the stones turned slick and her legs burned. For the thousandth time, she came upon the woods. This time, she stops. It is the forest that took her to Garreg Mach. 

There was a large set of footprints at the entrance. Byleth tightens the grip on her sword, and goes. The rain has turned dirt path into mud, pulling Byleth's feet back as she continues forward. Wet leaves clench to her heels, squeezing apart when her boots sinks into the ground. In the darkness, every sound seems to prick at her. Every raindrop, every rustle tugs at her, telling her to stay away. When the rain fell harder, a shard of light struck near and shattered, burying into the ground. Standing still, she waits for the deep, bellowing call of of it’s wrath.

She's the ashen demon. She tells herself.

She has never known fear.

She continues forward, trying not to hold her breath.

The rain has soaked her, dripping like streams down her forehead. In the distance, she heard a voice. It wasn't the wind, nor a creature. When she approached the shadow before her, she saw Dimitri standing there, shifting in the rain. He was speaking frantically, but his voice was cracked and broken, barely a murmur before it's carried away by the storm.

Again, lightning struck. Byleth saw the surprise flash by Dimitri's face, before the forest is dark again.

Boom.

Then all is silent but the sound of falling water.

"Have you come to see me in my depravity? If so, leave accomplished." Dimitri's words burned like smoke in her lungs.

Byleth stood still, keeping her hands at her sides. She looks for Dimitri's face, but all she sees is his hair and his armor gleaming in the dark.

"Are you okay?"

Dimitri paused, his body stiffens. "Do not try to comfort me, you do not understand me if you think that I need your pity." The sky rumbles, ready to strike.

He steps closer, the night sky catching on his lips. Byleth sees the bridge of his nose, then finally his eyes. When she looks at him, the words are caught in her throat. His eyes seemed so tired and sad. In one fluid motion, he took off his eye patch.

Byleth eyes widen. Behind the black eye patch is a darken net of flesh. Wielded webs of protruding skin around his right eye, like worms twisting under his skin. Byleth sees fresh scabs and scratches digging into the closed skin, peeling away from old flesh.

"A gift from a dead man." Dimitri covers his eye, his mouth forming a thin smile. "A reminder."

Byleth's tongue dries when she hears those words. 

"Look at me." Dimitri demanded. "Does this look like the face of a king to you? The face of a leader? ...So many lives, dead and laid askew at my feet." His voice trails, before breaking into something brittle. "Do I look like someone worth dying for?"

Byleth takes in the disheveled man, the weight of his cape heavy from the down pour. "I cannot answer that for you."

"Then why do you fight under my banner?" His brows furrow, there's a growl to his voice, almost animal. 

"Because I want to."

Dimitri stares at her, his voice grave. "That is foolish."

"It is not."

For a moment, neither of them make a move. Byleth stares at Dimitri's figure in the dark and listens. Through the rain, the thunder, she finds the sound of an unsettled heartbeat. Somehow, it makes the pins in her stomach harder to ignore.

"Professor, if only you know what I've done." Dimitri breaks the silence, his voice low. "You would've never come to look for me."

Byleth clenched her hands. She had the urge to reach in, grab him and shake him. "I am by your side, Dimitri."

Dimitri didn't look at her. Byleth was glad, partly so that he couldn't see the expression on her face. "I see." He grunts, and starts to walk away. His footsteps were brisk and wet, until they suddenly came to an halt. When he turns to her, there's a glint in his eye. "Don't die." He says. "Don't die before this is over."

Byleth nods. As soon as she did, Dimitri didn't linger. His footsteps carried him further and further away, until Byleth can no longer hear him.

Byleth tips her head to the howling sky, and closes her eyes. She'll stay a little longer, she thinks, just awhile more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who learned about the horizontal line lol


	4. Monsters Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love.
> 
> Dimitri stiffened.
> 
> Monsters know nothing of love.

The moment Dimitri saw the real Byleth, he knew that the Byleth in his dream did not exist. Her hair was no longer black like he used to remember, and her eyes were no longer like the sea.

Everything about her screamed immortal, holy.

Dimitri tries not to stare, not to look at the Professor in the eye. But it doesn't matter. She is a ghost in the war room, the library, the courtyard. When he looks at the forest, he is hit with the memory of her eyes, warming every inch of his body. He throws himself into training, slicing the field with his body and spears. However, when as his body is light from sweating, his mind utterly and completely consumed.

But alas, this is war. And alas, it has come to the part of war that he is used to.

They had laid traps, as if they were hunting animals. When fire erupted among the empire soldiers, Dimitri caught them fleeing in retreat with a savage pride. He scouts through the flames, and finds the man with a General’s armor. There’s scorn in his eyes as he fights for the men behind him to get away. But to Dimitri, there was satisfaction in the fearful anger of his eyes. He knew what the fearful man and his men did not.

In the fields behind them, there was a unit of ally forces, looking for their own massacre. There was no retreat. Dimitri’s job was to drive the general exactly where he wanted, and wave his lance to the song of blood. And before long, the General fell to the ground, bloodied and at the mercy of fate. He stared beaten at the ground as Dimitri advanced closer and closer, red still soaking the tip of his lance. Dimitri can feel the voices propel him as the terror in the man before him becomes desperate and angry with every step he takes. Battles, fighting, something about the stakes made him especially cruel.

“I have a family waiting for me... Please. I can’t die here...“ The angry denial in the man’s rough voice scrapes at Dimitri’s chest.

“A monster of your depravity prattling on about family? How amusing.” Dimitri didn’t even look at him. Empire scum, the things they’d say to survive.

“As though you could understand...such as a thing as love... You heartless monster!” The man growls.

_Love._

Dimitri stiffened.

_Monsters know nothing of love._

”You are a monster too, General. You just yet to realize it. A monster who thinks that he is man...” Dimitri spits at the thought. “Despicable. As a General you must have killed countless souls without a shred of mercy. Do you still remember the sound of them begging, just as you’re begging now?

“Or now that your life is at its end, will you hold to the lie that your hands are not stained red with blood?” Dimitri clenched his fist, speaking as one monster ought to speak to another.

The voices rejoice, they are getting louder. Delirious. That’s how they made him feel.

“This...this is war. I did what I had to for the Empire...for the people...for my family!”

Dimitri laughs. “So, you’re piling corpses for the people and for your family. And I am doing the same for the salvation of the dead...” Dimitri’s eyes narrow down at the General still crouching at his feet. “After all is said and done, we are both murderers. Both stained. Both monsters.”

”You’re wrong!” 

”Am I?” Dimitri asks, deliberate and slow. “I can smell the rotting flesh upon your hands even now, General.” 

“Enough! That’s enough!” The General cries, his eyes wide at the ground before him. He’s abandoned all composure in his voice. A rancid fear took its place instead, just like Dimitri knew it would.

“I won’t kill you right away, my fellow monster. Unless you object to seeing your friends die...one...by...one...” The words roll off his tongue, quickening as he feels his whole body pulse and call out to the smell of fear. "If so, I will do you the service of removing your eyes first so that-"

Before Dimitri can say anymore, the sharp sound of a blade cut through the air, echoing a cry. “Gah, Fleche...please, forgive me...”

As fresh smell of warm blood filled the air, Dimitri kept his eyes down at the dead General and the thin red spilling out his back. His lifeless body lies there, crumpled to the ground as he was in life. His head has slumped, smashed against the ground and rolled close to Dimitri’s feet. Dimitri almost steps back in disgust.

”What is the meaning of this?” He doesn’t rise his head until he’s spoken. He doesn’t need an answer, he know exactly what this means. The cold rage inside him boils, hellbent on destroying whatever stood in its way as he looks into the face he’s been avoiding.

”I miss the Dimitri I once knew.” Byleth’s eyes, so full of hurt, find his; and it drives the last semblance of control in him to break.

“The Dimitri you once knew is dead. All that remains is the blood-stained, repulsive monster before you.” He couldn’t stand the way she looked at him. “If you do not approve what I’ve become, then kill me! If you insist that you cannot...then I will continue to use you and your friends until the flesh falls from your bones.”

As these word left him, Dimitri clenched his fists tighter. He had raised his voice at the professor, there was no going back from that. He’d kept himself open and tall, though he made no move with his lance. He wanted a confrontation, waited for it. Byleth just looked at him, and then kneeled towards the dead General.

She laid him towards the sky, and closed his eyes. 

“You cannot use me, nor our friends.” There was no appraisal in her voice, no fear and no scorn, but it killed the savage pride that was inside him. "But I will remain by you, if that is what you need." She looked at him, and Dimitri could not move. Her verdant eyes eventually left him, as she turned and then walked away.

Dimitri watched her, watching longer than he ought have before turning away. When he finally started moving again it is with the sudden realization that no matter what he wanted to say, she isn't there to listen anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao


End file.
